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Have I ever told you about the goat and the farmhand???


mpk

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The year was 1977. I was 13 and living and working on a farm in Bacchus Marsh in Victoria Australia. Back then there weren't many people and fewer kids in the area. I was able to enjoy a local glider club and I watched many gliders fly.

 

The farm was inhabited by myself, 2 farm hands and lots of dogs. And a goat.

 

The goat and I were friends. Sure, he tried to eat my clothes but hey, everone has quirks. I always visited that goat. He was cool but he had a nemesis. Let's call him Farm hand #2.

 

# 2 was kind of a fool. He had his moments but he was okay. # 2 and the goat did NOT get along. No fault of the goat. 2 would often kick the goat away.  2 even went out of his way to annoy Mr goat.

 

So one afternoon I was in the kitchen looking out the window at the 2 barns, one at ten, the other at 2. Directly in front was the car park area.

Anyway I  was looking out a n d saw the goat over at 10, kind of hanging by the corner. Kind of out of sight. I walked away and thought nothing of it. Until an hour later.

 

# 2 was off for the day. At the pub as usual. I was once again at the kitchen sink looking out the window. WTH! Why is the goat still there???

 

So I waited.

 

Some time later I heard 2's car driving back up the gravel driveway. The goat became alert and if memory recalls, he back up a little.

 

2 parked and as was his wont, he got out, opened the rear door and bent down and reached to get his beer. At that moment OFF went the goat with determination all over his face.

 

BAM!!!!! 2 launched off his feet until his head hit the door on the other side of the car.

 

LIGHT SPEED GOAT!!! As fast as he'd struck 2's butt, he was faster in retreat. 

 

The language that 2 yelled cannot be printed her. It was along the likes of "WTF WHO WHAT......"

 

Mr Goat had a plan. His plan was exquisitely executed and to this day, # 2 doesn't know what hit him. Except me. And now you.

 

The sound of 2's cranium hitting that door remains with me. A cross between Clonk and Crack.

 

The moral of this story?

 

Animals also make their plans. Beware. 

 

 

 

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One of these days I will tell you about the Bachelor and spinsters ball in far out back Australia.

 

So many gumboots! So many 1960's evening dresses, it was 1996. Oh yeah, the couple behind my drum riser, the punch up and the enormous fat ladies mooning the tent. And gravity and its effect on gumboots. :D

Edited by mpk
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1 hour ago, ssculptor said:

Yes, animals are a lot smarter than we give them credit for.

 

I tried to buy your novel online. The ISBN # didn't register at my end. Please let me know how to get it. I am not sending stuff anywhere. Better if I purchase it. :)

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:rofl:  Friend of mine has a farm and his Dad use to keep goats on it.  Friend was afraid of the goats and when every they got close, he would smack them with a short piece of PVC pipe or do his best to push them off, yell at them to get away and ran from them.  On the other hand, his dad treated them like pet dogs and gave them love.  They always came to him for attention. If they saw my friend, they saw a challenge and wanted to butt heads with him.  People can learn a lot by watching goats around others. 

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On 12/9/2020 at 6:20 AM, mpk said:

 

I tried to buy your novel online. The ISBN # didn't register at my end. Please let me know how to get it. I am not sending stuff anywhere. Better if I purchase it. :)

I will contact the publisher tomorrow how to get a copy to you.  

Stephen

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1 hour ago, ssculptor said:

Yes l use PayPal. In a few hours l can contact the publisher and get the info l need. Then l will contact you again. 

My email address is auslend@optimum.net

Stephen

Cool. I'm about to crash. Email you tomorrow. 

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Hi MPK

The cost of the print version of my book The Streamline Locomotive is available from AMAZON.com for $14.99 but postage to Australia is about $28. Yikes!

The Kindle version costs $9.99 - you download it into your computer, no shipping costs.

Check it out with amazon.

Good luck.

Stephen

By the way Amazon insists on misspelling my last name as Auslander, instead of Auslender. The bastids.

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