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Ground Crew Humor the Pilots !!

Fun.

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#1 MARU5137

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Posted 13 October 2017 - 08:03 AM

Quote :

" After every flight, pilots fill out a form alled a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics and other ground crew any problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics/ground crew read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken. The pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.:

(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers or ground crew.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: The autopilot doesn't. 
S: IT DOES NOW.

P: Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds. 
S: Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Pilot's clock inoperative. 
S: Wound clock.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: 3 roaches in cabin. 
S: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine. 
S: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.

P: Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer. 
S: Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.

P: Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment. 
S: Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.

P: Whining sound heard on #2 engine shutdown. 
S: Pilot removed from aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid. 
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Funny sounds from behind instrument panel.
S: Installed non-funny sounds.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to "straighten up, fly right, and be serious".

P: #2 ADF needle runs wild. 
S: Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.

P: Turn-and-slip indicator ball stuck in centre during turns. 
S: Congratulations. You have just made your first co-ordinated turn.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Flight attendant cold at altitude. 
S: Ground checks OK.

P: Weather radar went ape! 
S: Opened radar, let out ape, cleaned up mess.

And this one from a pilot instructor who ejected from a military trainer aircraft:
P: Reason for emergency eject: Landing gear would not retract
S: Aircraft had fixed landing gear. Aircraft written off.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


Too funny. :rofl: :rofl:
  • Jan_G, mark31, Zero77 and 3 others like this

Res Non Verba .

La calma è la virtù dei forti !

Potius Mori quam foedari.


#2 Gerhard

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Posted 13 October 2017 - 12:06 PM

Wahahaha, enjoyed that.


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#3 ssculptor

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Posted 13 October 2017 - 12:16 PM

:rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:


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Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
The Shadow knows!
Nyah hah hah hah hah.

#4 spacewolf

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Posted 13 October 2017 - 12:22 PM

As ex airforce ground crew I approve this post !!

 

:thumbsup:

 

Vaughn


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#5 Zero77

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Posted 13 October 2017 - 01:02 PM

Great !!!!

:rofl:


  • MARU5137 likes this

Following the big Photobucket rip-off attempt, all my pictures on the forum cannot display anymore. I try to reupload the RFI pictures, but i'm not sure i'd have enough time and energy to reupload the pictures of the WIP threads. If you're interested in a specific subject and want me to reupload some pictures, just let me know. :) 
 
Finished : F-16C Barak, F-4J VMF333, Czech Mig-19PM, Bell X-1, Russian Su-25 in Chechnya, Ta152H-1, Czech Avia S.199, Heinkel He162, Swiss AF Bf109G-6, Regia Aeronautica Bf109G-6, P-47D "Slick Chick", RFC Sopwith Pup, A5M2 Claude, Schneider Cup 1926 Macchi M.39, German F-104G JaboG34, Curtiss P-6E, Curtiss P-36A USAAC, Piper SuperCub floatplane (PA-18-150), Russian built Nieuport 11, Albatros D.Va Seefrontstaffel 1, Bf109G-12 (two-seater trainer), Texas ANG F-86D,  Post-war Hawker Tempest Mk.V

 


#6 MARU5137

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Posted 13 October 2017 - 01:24 PM

[quote name="spacewolf" post="973825" timestamp="1507897322"]
As ex airforce ground crew I approve this post !!

:thumbsup:


:bow: RESPECT ! :punk:

Edited by MARU5137, 13 October 2017 - 01:25 PM.

Res Non Verba .

La calma è la virtù dei forti !

Potius Mori quam foedari.





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